Random Thought 8

Inhale, exhale:


It literally feels like that's all I do. At least with most people, they inhale-there is something interesting happening-they exhale. I guess interesting depends on the person. Interesting stopped in college for me, I think I can say that with certainty. People aren't as colorful as they use to be. I can stereotype a person in a 5 minute first encounter-usually right on the money. As adults, I think, we tend to fall into categories-whether we like it or not. Some people might like a lot of drama in their life-at home, work, personal, friends, and they usually attract a lot of it and seem to not understand why?

Then there are some people who are control freaks-any and everything. They can't seem to focus without having a certain amount of control. They don't really like the theory of fate and it's sister destiny in reality. They're people who are anal, and those who are functioning multitasking system heads-by the book 24-7 or life is meaningless.

These are just a few of many categories. Where do I fall in? Well if a person met me, they could't tell right away what category I fell in. I think I would say I'm a personality leech. Depending on ur/person's personality-I behave accordingly. If one were to ask everyone I met or hung out with to describe me or my personality, all will have different answers. One will say I'm free spirited, one will say I like to sleep all day, one will say I'm very anal, another will say I am boring; one will say I am a daring party animal, another will say I'm a weed smoking lush, one will say I am loud and crazy, another will say I am very quiet, clever, and attentive.

They all sound like splits in personalites, but depending on the person's behavior my personalty becomes different. When I was little I enjoyed the colorful personalities exerted from my peers. It was fun going to school, to be with people like that, the upredictable differences. I guess I never seem to let that go when everyone else did. No one ever tells a kid grown-ups are boring, they just tell us be happy ur a kid, enjoy it. What the hell does that mean to a kid? Tell'em in a language they understand....hey it sucks, it's boring. Non-parental authority sucks the life out of u, then things aren't so colorful anymore, ur not a kid, ur a grown-up.

As said before, interesting is seen differently. Maybe there are many who feel being an adult is the kick ass greatest thing that ever happen because they have to prove something, what it is I don't know. My version of an adult, when I was little, was something very different. It didn't have bills, government, non-parental authority, or stress as complicating factors. To be blunt, if I had to do it all over agian, I think I would have asked to skip it.

Random Thought 7

Over It.


Many 'a times I knocked on Death's door-literally begg'n to come in; I even broken an entry a couple of times, but each time It sent me pack'n back to sucky reality. It's probably tired of seeing me by now, and so I told It that I wouldn't bother It anymore until It came for me. It sounds kind of sad and sick, someone chas'n Death down for an early arrival-but it just feels like I been here too long.

I don't know how to describe it, but I'm simply over it. I guess boredom gett'n the best of existence. Some people ask me, "well what do u want?" I reply with, what I want isn't here in this reality. They ask me, "how do u know what u want isn't here." I say, because I haven't experienced it yet and probably never will here. I am one to think that the grass is greener on the other side because it's dead on this side.

So I wait, as I am suppose to, as I always did. I was born, raised, recieved an education so that I can contribute to a schizophrenic society by working for stress and intangibles, mabe get married and have children, then die. It really is as black and white as that, how stimulating. My question in that process is, where does the happiness part come in, and how long does it last? Everyone I talk to, rich, poor, or middle say their content-not happy.

I wonder how long did it take, for the people I asked, for them to realize they were substituting happiness for content? I hope not years. That would piss me off if I thought life was going to provide me with something that never came, so I had to settle for whatever was there-mediocre instead of bliss. There really isn't anything u can do, u can try and bargain with God on why u got the short end of the stick-but everyone got the same size stick it's just packaged differently.

So this is what I see in Life, and it, Life, is the hardest thing I ever had to do. I never really thought I'd see it for what it really was, nothing more or less, at such a young age. People tell me to be happy that I was able to see and understand what takes people a life time; I'm not sure if it's something to be happy about. Sometimes sleeping through life has it's benefits, being awake only makes u resent the ones who are sleep and envy the ones who are dead and moved on to the greener grass.